i grew up in a busy quite large pub on a busy high street. 11 years of mixed and very jumbled up memories.my mum and dad and myself and my infamous dog,my springer spaniel. every one knew me and my dog giggle we were inseperable...my dad was a very hardworking kind man a true leader not a follower.trustworthy and almost victorian in his strictness but he was my dad and i adored him he wanted only the best for me. he strived to give my mum and i the best things in life. and he could be soft but he was no pushover.he could be fiery at a moments notice but never violent.he was too kindhearted for that.i remember a smack or two.and then there was my mother a then very beautiful well dressed outwardly confident ardent socialite and who was also the local head chairlady for some big hoo haa well to do ladies charity of kent she had the big chains like the mayor. a big boss and bossy lady who was addicted to shopping and galavanting and we lived 20 minutes from london. she shopped alot in the best shops even the food malls with her it was all about appearences and such. i was not spoilt but i had beautiful clothes and sometimes the latest toy but not always.you could say we had quite an enviable lifestyle 5 star holidays and daytrips and big parties n such. to the out side just a normal family.
but on the inside it was nt like that. it was a different story.if my dad wasnt working hard he wasnever really home.he would dash to the cash n carry and he had family in the east end of london his parents were quite old then.he was an east end boy who infact drank in the same pub as the krays in the old days of his youth.i adored him and he adored me. he set me up in life with extremely high expectations i mean like seriously high.
he sent me to private school and made my life like a fairytale. high standards that dont even exist in this life anymore. hed tell me that one day a powerful prince would rescue me from the tower of this life and only a prince would do. a prince who would live by the same standards as him?and they were higher than high. he was such a powerful man and driven and almost hate to say it but perfect in every princely way except for his rare temper and fieryness. he instilled in me my search for truth in this life and justice for humanity and a love of animals and helping others. some pretty altruistic traits. and to always love my individuality.
my mother tho was very different. she was a very hard person emotionally and even her character and persona still is.she is polish as is her mother and they are very hard women....she never really was home either and when she was never really wanted anything to do with me. there was no real love or affection. my earliest horror memory goes back to about 3 years old, she would sit by me on the sofa while i was happily watching a cartoon hence my love of cartoons and she would look at me and say *i dont love you* and i was a sweet kid but born with an extremely deep sensitivity. i would burst into tears. she did that alot over the years...then she would walk out the room and do whatever she did and leave me upset.
she was unemotional and if you showed any emotion she would chastise you and tell you to pull yourself together. that is why my emotions are so turbulent i would say and erratic and everythingelse they are she wouldnt relate to me but her mother was the same she came from an extremely dysfunctional family. abuse alcoholism etc etc. so to her i was just an accessory she would throw on n off depending what her plans were tht week. so in turn i couldnt relate to her or others. over the years i found my sense of humour because every one likes the funny kid right...but the longer you get to know people they realise something is different about you and then theyd go off and find other friends.
but when i was 3 my father bought me a dog my bestest friend in the whole wide world.. i use to sing to her and chat because she would lay on me and listen to my woes and my chatter. no judgement just big brown soppy loving eyes...she was the best friend i ever had in my life. i was bullied alot and i could always run to her and shed listen. anyway when i was 10 and a half my mum told me we were moving to hereford and my dog had to go away to a farm.....heartbroken..
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